“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Winston Churchill

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

Swedish Proverb

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

Herm Albright

Thoughts flow in our mind all the time. There are thousands or lacks of thoughts generating in your mind everyday. Positive thoughts are the type of thoughts which give you happiness. Having positive thoughts enable you to overcome all the fears and take action to pursue your goals. Obviously, it creates an enriching life of fulfillment.

So how do we generate a positive mindset? that is we make sure positive thoughts flow in your mind. Seeking opportunities and achieve them with positivity.

There are two steps to be followed.

1. Resolving Negative thoughts:

Say a negative thought comes to your mind, probably a fear based thought. Fear is a wonderful marking scheme; it would show you exactly the parts of your life you need to grow. You probably made a goal and now don’t know whether it would be possible to achieve it. Try to be more aware, see where the fear takes you. Try to find the truth in those fears. Ask question like “Why I have this fear?” “Is it because there is a flaw in my plans?” “Is it because I think I don’t have the capabilities to follow my plans and achieve this goal?” Write them on a paper and answer them! Create solutions for it, like if my plans are flawed, how I can make them more perfect. If I don’t have the capabilities, then train myself with more knowledge or get a mentor to teach me. Should I make a smaller goal and try to achieve it first? Make your plan with all the details you need. You’ll see that most of your fear evaporates and generate a positive feeling within you.

But what about those imaginary fears which generate negative thoughts? That’s where the step 2 comes in.

2. Generating positive thoughts:

Most of us have imaginary fears which become an obstacle in achieving our goals. Say you’re planning to give a speech and you fear it soooo much, just because of those imaginary fears. Like What If I forgot my lines, what If I slipped on stage or probably what If there is a wardrobe malfunction?

These fears have no truth in them. But they exist only because of our social conditioning or past experiences or worse, analyzing the experience of others who failed.

This could be tackled by generating confidence and positivity from within.

Let me give you a personal example. There was a festival in my college. There were auditions for anchoring (Hosting) the show. I really wanted to get selected for hosting. I had no experience of anchoring a show, I did give speeches and presentation in schools, but they were highly formal and structured. The anchoring I was supposed to do for “War of Dj’s” Event was most of spontantaneous. My first struggle was to get selected for anchoring. There were around 35-40 participants and only 6 were going to be selected. To make things worse, they wanted to choose 3 guys and there were around 25 guys in participants. My success ratio was 3/25. Further, they brought around 100 seniors from our college as a demo audience and all instructed to create trouble for anchors during auditions. Myself and one of my friend went in for auditions. The audience were real trouble makers. After seeing them my friend decided to quit without even appearing for it. I was adamant about going for selections, no matter what. But I had my fears too. There were many participants who were very qualified then me with their past experiences in anchoring. I decided to go for it. They gave us a few quotes and told us to prepare an intro for the event based on the quotes. After receiving the quotes I went out of the audition hall, created my intro speech. It was not much difficult for me. The difficult part was to delivering it with gusto and confidence. I went to my group of friends and made them my small audience in the front lobby of my college. It’s a place where many students and professors come and go. I had around 30 minutes to train myself and I knew the place would be perfect too. I started my speech. The first time, I said it with lots of mistakes. I learned again perfectly and delivered again. It was good, but there was no passion. I tossed my speech and decide to Do it my way! This time I came in my natural state and delivered the speech, but not word to word. I simply started enjoying the flow. The constant feedback from my friends helped me. Many people in the lobby stopped to hear my intro speech and gave me some guidance. There was also one professor who gave me some guidelines like not to pull the letter ’s’ and make my speech more clear. It’s strange sometime how strangers come to help you, if you have the desire to learn. By the end of 30 minutes I had enough confidence to go for it. I was feeling very confident. I went to the audition hall, waiting for my turn. OOps! The crowd there was really troublesome for the participant anchors. During the audition they would sing so unrelated random songs to disturb the participants (For those who know, the song they sang was “chaddi pehen ke phul khila hai”) Duh! One of the girl actually cried and left the stage. That’s where my confidence stumbled. I started having those Imaginary fears. Can I do it? Would I make it? How should I tackle that audience? I had to tackle these feelings and thoughts anyhow. I started programming my mind. I remembered how many times as a child I had fear of ghosts and then my mom use to say those were imaginary, to trust the one above us all. He would protect us. To trust, that she would love me unconditionally, no matter what. I convinced myself that all these fears were just imaginary. I tackled it with imagination! I could actually see angels cheering me I saw all my friends cheering me by Imagination, as they were not allowed in audition hall. I saw my mom repeating words like “I know, you can do it”. I saw my school teachers saying me “Dhaval, with hard work and persistence, you can achieve anything you set your mind too”. I started feeling the energy of the audition hall; I started emitting the positivity (I’ll write a post later on how to get these feeling). My turn came and I went to the stage. I make my face amazingly, so people never know what’s going on my mind. Though my legs were shaking. The first thing I did after going to stage was to give a BIG smile to everyone. I actually felt like giving ‘love’ energy to all out there. Giving a long smile made me highly confident. It made me feel connected to them. I was enjoying the attention of hundred’s on me. It was awesome! The feeling of passion took over and I started the intro. I engaged the crowd during the speech in shouts of Hip! Hip! Said by me and Hurray! By the audience. This was not planned but I think I did it to make the crowd forget about singing songs and getting them engaged with me. It worked! I gave my speech with so much passion that when I finished I was surprised myself about how I pulled it off! The crowd cheering all the way. It was like someone just took over me while I was on the stage. The experience was amazing. I got selected. The next time I did during the event was easy as I already had the experience.

Listening inspiring songs and reading inspiring stuff always help during these situations. Before your big task, I would suggest to go for Neuro Linguistic Programming. I had this habit from childhood, but didn’t know what it was called. A part of it is where you listen to your favorite song, close your eyes and visualize yourself making that big speech successfully! See you smiling and enjoying the task. You could also do it for long term goals, by visualizing you achieved your goal.

Some Tips for making your day positive:

1. Eat healthy! Your Diet plays a large role in your energy levels.

2. Keep a gratitude diary where you daily express your gratitude for the wonderful things you have.

3. Neuro Linguistic programming

4. Keeping a gratitude stone also works for some. You keep a small roundish stone in your pocket. And rub it whenever you want to feel positive. It’s not logical, but you’ll be surprised by the amazing feeling you get everytime you rub that stone. Your secret source of inspiration

5. Read positive stuff and try to avoid the daily negativity of newspapers.

6. Smile at people! Even strangers sometime. I am not talking of smiling only at beautiful girls

7. Use your positive imagination!

You can use any method of above, see what works best for you and go for it!

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing

Share your Inspiring stories, you might make someone’s day!

This valentine day got me all charged up to write about love, so here it goes.

The emotion of love has been and would always be a mysterious emotion which every scientist or lover would be unable to define.

The best way to define is to just feel it and explore…

The types of love are created absolutely by the standards a person feels being in love.

Type 1: Seeking Love

Human beings always use social conditioning while approaching anything new. We are all socially programmed to seek true love.

Two people try to seek love in their surroundings, find each other, some butterflies run in the stomach and the chemistry seems to be the best. They fall in relationship to feel loved by the special one. The problem here is two people trying to seek love from the other. Both feel great love from each other during the start and everything seems to be perfect. But after sometime when both the people land on earth from the romantic ride from the moon, people discover lack of love. They see lack of love in the relationship, a power struggle starts where both wants to control the other, want to get more and more love from the other as they got during the start of the perfect relationship. There is no problem with anyone, but the reasons they fall in love was wrong. Trying to seek or get love from the other cannot be the base of a relationship. The control part of love comes in, the fear of loosing the other or unable to compromise factor comes in. This leads to one partner being the dominating, the other submitting or if they are conscious enough, they would leave the relationship. Or either one, dumping the other.

The feeling here is only of frustration, jealousy, desire to control and manipulate. Use of diplomacy and even dishonesty. A pure addiction to love.

Type 2: Infatuation

You just saw a babe and she’s the sexiest girl in the world, a striking beauty! Or you saw that handsome dude with the biggest attitude ever and a sexy build. The entire relationship is based on just sex. This type of relationship has the shortest life. The infatuation is the shortest lived emotion. As soon as the lust is over, so do the relationship. This relationship is not a problem if both parties agree to it, but it’s not true love.

The feeling here is only lust. Addiction to sex.

Type 3: Puppet Love

This is the type of love where a person is highly in love with the other, but the other isn’t. If they do get in a relationship somehow; it leads to a partner using the other emotionally, sexually, financially and every other way possible. The puppet partner has loosed the sense of his/her identity, the sense of purpose, the principles and the whole viewpoint of self. There is no sense of right and wrong for the puppet lover. The person has surrendered their life to the other. This usually happens due to low self-esteem and low confidence level of an individual. One partner is love seeker and the other is a comfort seeker.

The emotion felt by the puppet lover are of depression, low self-esteem, feeling worthless and a completely domesticated puppet.

The emotion felt by the controller are though good initially, may try to boost their self-esteem. But would always feel stuck and it would turn into resentment. They do have a comfortable corner, but one which they would hate to be in. The guilty feeling always takes over.

Type 4: The comfort Love

This relationship starts just for the sake of feeling of security of a relationship. These are the people who probably got hurt in past relationship or too scared to venture in the unknown mystery of love. Arranged marriages or relationships based as per perfect compatibility but lacking the passion of love and attraction. (I am not talking just about the physical attraction here ) They make the most comfortable relationships. Isn’t loving the one after you marry a safer option? To be frank, NO! It’s leaving the reigns of your relationship on luck. It’s like I don’t know how to choose my life partner so I better leave it to someone else or pure luck. Or probably I’ll select the one, my parents found for me. The one I selected just by looking a pic and the financial status. Some do it due to social conditioning. These people are soooooo scared of getting hurt, that they forgot the passion of love. They forgot what it is to get butterflies in stomach. For those who go in this relationship for fear of getting hurt, either forgot how wonderful every feeling of love is. Yes, you can get hurt, but it will help you grow and be a strong human being later. It would crush your heart to pieces, but it’s the only thing which would make it jump with the feeling of love. Love is the only thing which would make it expand beyond any limitations or reservedness you had. And those who go for the social conditioning, please open your mind up! This also includes people who are in a dead relationship, but fear to move on. Please remember, this world is filled with wonderful people all over.

The feeling here is though of comfort, they would always miss the passion of love. The most sacred feeling of completeness, the energy of love!

Type 5: Unconditional love

What is this? The day one recognizes it; it would be your biggest realization. It’s the same realization which prompted me to write this article. True love is where there is no expectation. The one where you don’t even expect the lover to be with you. There is no ego in the relationship. No sense of jealousy or even controlling the other. No fear of even loosing the other. How? True love is nothing else but pure love. It’s all about being happy for your partner’s happiness. Every smile you bring, every laughter you bring, makes you the happiest person on earth. This doesn’t make you leave your ethics and principle or sense of self. You love yourself, but there is so much love in ‘you’ that you want to share it with your partner. A complete abundance of love. The feeling removes jealousy and controlling behind because you don’t obsessively want the partner to be with you. There is no limit of love. You understand that even if your partner is with you or without you, you’re happy for them. This also doesn’t keep you attached to that single person after the relationship is broken, because you understand that love is an unlimited resource, an energy which has no end! It would also help you to leave old abusive, dead or one sided love because you understand there is no lack of love in this world. A true love always founds the right one. You remain so happy in the relationship, but even if it goes sour there is no feeling of regret, no feeling of loss because you love even yourself unconditionally. You always have your family and friends to support you. And the best thing you have is ‘you’. That one person that smiles at you in the mirror, the one that loves you unconditionally. In this love, you accept your partner as it is. You accept their strength and weakness; you don’t want to change them anyway. You encourage them to pursue their dreams and goals. You do everything to make your partner happy but yet don’t loose your sense of self. When this realization struck, it’s the most amazing one. You remain so happy for no reason at all. There is so much fun, that you would dislike the other old model of relationships. This makes the relationship so much fun and exciting. You give you’re partners happiness a priority but also yourself. This feeling brings the most amazing sense of security. Infact, this approach would even change the way you relate to others. You’ll be able to connect with everyone on a deeper level. The one based on honesty, love and acceptance. The feeling would grow out your relationship. It would completely change your mindset from scarcity to abundance. The feeling which makes you a source of energy, rather than an extractor. It would change the world around you. Positivity and the zest of life, makes you live the life with courage and with the passion of love.

The feeling here is full of passion, joy, fun and peace.

A relationship where two souls become ‘one’.

You would have seen more than one type of love in your relationship. We all have different phases and moods which make us dribble through these types. All we have to do is always strive to be on unconditional level. The one which empowers you and creates the abundance of love and joy.

Here’s a poem I wrote this valentine….

It’s called ‘Lover’, quite cheesy I know….

Nah! I don’t want to be your Lover,
I love to be your companion,
To share the deepest joys and sorrows with you,
To face every challenge with you together,
Nah! I don’t want to be your lover,
I love to be your friend to have pranks with,
To have cute fights over a piece of cake,
To share all the talks of our childhood dreams,
To listen to your talks, to walk in style forever,
Nah! I don’t want to be your lover,
I love to share the passion of love forever,
The deepest feelings two souls could ever reach,
To give my loyalty and unfold your deepest emotions,
To care so much, that I can feel your pain as mine,
To respect your strength and accept your weakness,
And Create perfect moments of joy, fun and peace forever,
Like never created in this world ever,
Nah! I don’t want to be just your lover,
Yes, I do want to be the most passionate lover…….

Hi, this is my first post at DhavalRaja.com, In this blog “Success for Everyone” I’ll be blogging about Increasing productivity, Goal Management, Deep Relationships, Spiritual growth and everything related to concious growth to the highest level possible.

Have Fun Reading!

Dhaval